You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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