ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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