I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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