Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
