Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her vagine was all disorganized.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
