THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
