You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
