Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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