not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
