Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
