$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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