I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
