Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
