i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
