im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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