im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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