Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize