im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
