So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
