I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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