Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize