ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
