Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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