so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
