Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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