Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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