it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
