What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
