Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
