I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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