that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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