I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My vagina just clenched in fear
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