Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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