So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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