don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
