Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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