I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
