Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
