there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
