Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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