Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
