Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
