I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
