Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
