worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
