It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
