Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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