i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
