First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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