I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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