You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
