some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
