You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
