he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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