Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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