Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
not ubering you a puppy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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