you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
