sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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