I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
