I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
