I just saw a hot homeless man
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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