My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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