You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
