my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
