Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
