Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
