Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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