First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
