Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
